The Real American’s Guide To Taking Our Country Back to a Fictionalized 1950’s
— Virgo Supercluster, July 29th. American Dreaming has recently obtained a copy of an upcoming CPAC speech from Ohio GOP Senate Candidate and “Shitkicker Elegy” author J.D. France from a source who has identified themselves only as an “unsatisfied lover.” Reader discretion is advised.
To all of the Real American patriots who can see that our country is being stolen out from under our feet, our rights curb stomped before our eyes, and our streets overflowing with rivers of blood and liquified human misery, you’re probably wondering what to do about it. Most of you no doubt had the same first thought: stocking up on hundreds and hundreds of guns. And while that is a great response to almost every problem in life, I fear it will not be enough to turn back the tide of corruption from our shores. If we are to take back our country and Make America Great Again, we must do more and go further. We must close down the border and end all immigration.
Now, you’d think the fact that most of us come from some mishmash of European countries in the past hundred years or so would matter, but nah. Why? Because fuck you, that’s why. We’re here now, and they aren’t. It’s not that we hate immigrants. Some are, we assume, good people, and it is at least theoretically plausible that they share the same aspirations, desire to flourish, and love for their families that make up the human condition we all so selectively cherish. Some immigrants can speak English, of course, and a few are even white. We would never deny this. And who doesn’t like Mexican food? But now that every supermarket has an international aisle, we don’t really need these people anymore.
Some are quick to call these attitudes bigoted and xenophobic. If anyone gives you flack, tell them that you’re only against “illegal” immigration. Of course, if anyone ever asks the follow up question, “If you’re only against illegal immigration, how many people should be legally allowed into the country?”, the answer is zero. We want legal immigration — we simply want the legally allowable number to be lower than Ted Cruz’s testosterone levels. Maybe a few folks from England or Norway, but that’s it. Certainly no brown peasants from Cornholio, Wakanda, Aquafaba, or any of those shithole countries.
Anyone who does not share our views is in favor of open borders and an infinite, unregulated flow of barbarian hordes pouring into the country. Never mind that polls show fully open borders are broadly unpopular, nor that immigrants are surprisingly conservative, and could easily be won over to our side if only we could stomach the sight of them without bile rising in our throats. Do not be deceived, my friends. Nothing that comes out of our institutions can be trusted. If you’re not receiving it via chain-email, Facebook meme, 4chan, Tucker Carlson, or Truth Social, it’s fake news. If a poll, study, or election result aligns with our interests, then sure, it’s acceptable — otherwise, it’s just more propaganda from the lying woke media. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
For too long have the “experts” held a stranglehold over the facts. We are told that you need to know what you’re talking about to have an informed opinion. We are disrespected because we rarely read, or that we do so at a fourth grade level. We are belittled by our lack of a cogent epistemology or consistent principles. We are ridiculed for uncritically going along with everything Trump says or does, even when he contradicts himself seconds later. They call us naïve and foolish manbabies for looking to a daddy figure and expecting him to solve all of our problems. I say to you, no longer!
Economists will say that immigration drives economic growth, or that our economy depends on inexpensive migrant labor — that immigrants do vital work in our communities that native born Americans don’t want to do. We see these lies for what they are: a plot to replace us all and usher in a totalitarian future. Through the powers of our patriotism, we have pierced the veil of woke liberal socialist villainy. We have read the contents of their innermost thoughts, and they are as black as sin.
It’s time we called a spade a spade. We are beset on all sides by communists. Democrats, never-Trump conservatives, third party libertarian voters, Joe Manchin — radical left Marxists one and all! And they would have this great land that we love turned into a waking nightmare, with sex changes in every classroom, abortions on every street corner, and the outlawing of Christianity on pain of crucifixion. A country where hard-working, God-fearing, Real American men will have their women-folk seduced by melanated Casanovas who can please them sexually in ways we never could, with false promises of that communist myth known as the female orgasm. If that’s not enough to send a shiver down your spine, well, I’m not sure what is. And it all begins with the man cutting your lawn, picking your lettuce, and laboring on your home improvement project at costs no self-respecting Patriot would work for. You may be wondering how we can possibly connect such seemingly distant dots. To that I say, if your brain was floating in a soup of deep-fried meth and fentanyl-spiked oxy, you’d make some fucking connections too.
My friends, if we are to safeguard our freedom to do and say whatever we want while denying those rights to everyone else, we will have to water the tree of liberty with more than just blood, but also with liberal tears, for they have essential electrolytes. I’d like to leave you with some advice. If you go to MyPillow.com and use the promo code “libtard”, you’ll get 15% off your first order, and a complimentary memory foam hemorrhoid donut made to look like AOC is tossing your salad. Thank you, and God bless you!
See also: “How To Be an Online Leftist”
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