The Soft Ageism of Low Expectations

Cultural norms aren’t keeping pace with technological change

Photo by Artem Labunsky on Unsplash

From the dawn of humanity until just recently, the world moved slowly. Sure, engines of upheaval like war, famine, and plague were ever-present dangers. But the nuts and bolts of life — how to make a living, manage one’s affairs, travel, get in touch with people, and navigate sensitive sociocultural issues — changed very little. The knowledge someone gained in early adulthood was every bit as relevant in their later years as it was in their youth — more so, in fact, because their added life experience would only have augmented it. Elders were the principal source of advice, knowledge, and practical know-how. They stood high in the esteem of the community, an invaluable and cherished wealth of accumulated wisdom.

Then everything sped up.

Technological revolutions arose, one after the next, in accelerating succession. Discovery advanced at breakneck speed as innovators leap-frogged from the shoulders of one giant to the next in an endless ascension. Transportation became quick, convenient, and affordable. Communication became instant and global. And the floodgates of fathomless information were opened for billions. Things moved fast. Expertise and technical knowledge mastered in youth became outdated and useless by middle age. The moment one slowed their pace from the gallop of the herd, they became a dinosaur — no longer revered and honored, but placated and met with inward groans and eye rolls. Age, once correlated with wisdom, became a burden and a drain; a sign of irrelevance. These dismissive attitudes may be based on empirical observation, but they are built on a false premise. It is true that older folks are falling behind the times in the modern era, but that doesn’t mean this trend is destiny. People can change, to a far greater degree than we imagine, but we must expect them to. We have grown more ageist as a culture, not out of callousness or cruelty, but through the soft ageism of low expectations.

We’ve all heard the stories of people transforming their careers, minds, and bodies later in life. While such anecdotes seem like the exception, they don’t need to be. Research has shown that certain cognitive abilities improve with age and peak later in life, some as late as one’s 60s or 70s. This can be a self-reinforcing process, as seniors who engage in “cognitively demanding novel activities” see an enhancement in memory function. People need challenges, goals, and a sense of purpose. With these, they become more resilient. Without them, they weaken. The psychologist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl witnessed the power of finding meaning firsthand in Nazi concentration camps. Science has since confirmed it over and over.

Obviously, the brain has limits. Time takes its toll eventually, and dementia spells the end of self-reinvention, at least until such time that medicine ends dementia. But dementia affects only 10 percent of people over the age of 65. What’s holding the other 90 percent back may be psychological more than neurological. Studies have demonstrated that older people discount their own abilities, slipping into unhelpful mental habits that cause them to perform more poorly on tasks not because they lack brain power, but because they lack confidence in themselves.

Most people, at some point in their lives, put their foot down and silently declare that they’re done. Done trying new things. Done learning new things. Done growing as a person. They know everything worth knowing, and all that lies beyond their purview is either pointless, evil, or scary. People, in essence, give up on themselves. And society grants them permission to do so. We accept it. This turning point comes at different times for different individuals. I have known people who gave up on themselves in this way in their late 50s, others in their early 30s. I have detected the first disquieting glimmers of it in myself, as I delay replacing my smart phone, whose model was discontinued in 2018, because I don’t feel like having to learn the ins and outs of a new one.

The natural state of all living beings is seeking the path of least resistance, even if it leads to stagnation or decay. This is why it’s easier to play video games than read a book, or to sit on the couch with a bag of potato chips and watch athletes instead of becoming one. It’s easy, especially in a permissive environment, to let your mind slip into geezer mode and ultimately decrepitude. You give in to a string of lazy, labor-saving shortcuts. You indulge in a series of convenient and comfortable fallbacks while the world changes around you. And before you know it, you’re having an anxiety attack when the companies you rely on go paperless, automate their phone systems, and require you to go online or use their app to do business.

Convenience, comfort, and sloth have their place, but there is danger in falling asleep at the wheel while cruising down the path of least resistance. Humans wither and atrophy in the absence of resistance. We see this not only with aging, but also with power. Those in positions of power for long periods, who can do more or less anything they want without much accountability, and who are insulated from criticism, undergo a diminution of certain mental abilities. Life’s pressures are what hone us and keep us sharp. Take them away and we lose our edge and become dull. If the individual cannot summon any resistance from within, it falls to the community, through norms, mores, and customs, to impose some from without.

This means recalibrating our attitudes toward older people. It means a little bit of tough love. It means a cultural shift around what we expect of others and ourselves as we age. A culture where lagging behind the times is frowned upon, and where age, barring dementia, is not seen as a valid excuse. A culture where not learning the prevailing technologies to a basic level of proficiency is a source of personal embarrassment, not stubborn pride; where refusing to learn new things is akin to putting on large amounts of weight and neglecting your appearance. “Gee, he really let himself go.”

For the cultural norms around aging to evolve, so also must our conception of what it means to honor our elders. The irony of our current situation is that our ageist attitudes grew out of a more traditional sense of respect for one’s elders. The desire not to burden older folks with strenuous labors and to see them take it easy and relax in their later years stems from traditions of respect. But the mechanics of the modern world no longer allow people to rest on their laurels. We aren’t playing by the same rules that existed when these norms arose, and in this new game, letting older folks retire from the project of personal growth does them no favors. We do not honor our elders by condoning their decline. We honor the old by holding them to higher standards.

The lie we tell ourselves is that keeping up with the world is hard, and that not insisting older people make this effort is a sign of our respect for them. The truth is, this is our path of least resistance. It’s so much easier to placate and accommodate our elders and not have to deal seriously with them, even if it means indulging in their own self-sabotage. This is ageism, and it will lead to more ageism.

The long-held norms of venerating the old are often rooted in or at least upheld by some kind of real-world utility. By providing a frictionless path for our seniors to slide into obsolescence, we are dismantling the foundation upon which respect for elders is built. After so many millennia, traditions become inertial, but our cultural muscle memory will eventually fade away, and when it does, there will be nothing standing in the way of a naked contempt for the old.

People have a tendency to grow toward the expectations we set for them. Treat a man like an animal, and he comes to behave as one. The age-old retort from parents to kids demanding not to be treated like children, “Then don’t act like one,” is perfectly backward. Expect better from people and they will grow into it. This is the psychological dynamic behind so many otherwise ordinary individuals who exhibit extraordinary ability, leadership, or ingenuity when thrust into a situation where the stakes are high and they are relied upon by others. When we treat older folks like the “dead-in-waiting”, we teach them to be useless. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy and a negative feedback loop. It’s time to break these bad habits.

See also: “When 65 is Young: The Politics of Life Extension”

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