Woke Serial Killer Denies Allegations of Racism

The young killfluencer insists he will do better.

Photo by Austin Human on Unsplash

This post is by contributor Johan Pregmo.

A new controversy has rocked Murder-Twitter and the criminal underworld as Stabby Award-winning serial killing phenom Carter Fitzgerald-McKenzie, also known as Jack the Ratioer, has been accused of a hate crime after it became known that his latest victim was a black woman. The young slayer, who is white, has been condemned as a racist, sexist, and for good measure, a transphobe across social media. Amid trending hashtags like #ChooseBetterVictims, #CancelJack, #MurderEquityNow, and #Cuisinart (his top sponsor), Jack now finds himself on the receiving end of the ratio. 

McKenzie, best known for his neoclassical style of postmodern sadism involving the brutal dismemberment of his victims before performing unspeakable sexual and puppetry acts with their severed body parts, is no stranger to controversy. His fifth victim, an African-American policeman, had people divided over whether it was acceptable to murder a police officer if he was black or not. Mckenzie has posted a manifesto strongly denying these latest allegations.

“I realize that having killed a Black Woman is a bad look/a bit yikesy and that I must do better, but I can point to a long track record of extremely diverse mass murder. Out of the 43 people I’ve hacked to pieces, only five were Black, well below the proportion of Black people in America. Plus, four of them were conservatives,” McKenzie insisted.

“I realize, however, that this could easily be confused for a hate crime and that I should have been more careful in selecting which victim I would stalk, terrify, and slaughter. I’m as aware of the unequal, racist power dynamics of our colonialist society as anyone. As a Person of Homicide myself, I know all too well the oppressive power structure of the state, outlawing my truth and lived experience that compels me to dismember and cannibalize my fellow man- er, person.”

Many people were dissatisfied with the tone of McKenzie’s statement. “What a non-apology apology,” said Emylee Stamper, an intern at Sophomore Vogue. “This is the toxic bro culture that so dominates this field and prevents women, people of color, and other marginalized groups from advancing within it. It’s just an old boys club, and it has to end.”

After being dropped by several sponsors, McKenzie, in an attempt at damage control, issued a second, more conciliatory manifesto:

“I would like to sincerely apologize to the BIPOC community for the trauma that my actions have caused. It doesn’t matter that my intentions weren’t bigoted, I still hurt vulnerable marginalized people having to contend with what seemed like yet another triggering episode. I take full responsibility for this, and I unreservedly apologize.

“To show that I mean business, I intend for my next ten victims to all be affluent cis heterosexual white males with an income of at least $100,000 a year. I will also be more discerning in my methods; for example I will no longer use rope to strangle my victims, as this could evoke triggering images of l*nching. From now on, all my victims will be dealt with in a post-colonial, feminist, trans-inclusive, anti-racist manner. I will only cave people’s skulls in with an ax, beat their faces to an unrecognizable pulp with a wrench, or sever their heads with a chainsaw. Furthermore, I will donate the proceeds of the organs I sell to the black market to local homeless shelters for POC and LGBTQIA2+∞+ youth.”

Although McKenzie’s second apology has mollified some critics, others remain skeptical. Khaleesi Atwood-Fortescue, spokesperson of the Southern Law Poverty Center, spoke to American Dreaming:

“Although we are of course pleased to see that the Ratioer takes appropriate responsibility for his heinous, inhumane act of choosing the wrong kind of victim, he still centers himself, like the typical white male he is. If he is truly serious about being a good ally, why isn’t he using his platform to uplift serial killers of color? There are plenty of hardworking black murderers out there with some really creative stuff, ignored because of spotlight-stealing white men with their lame, white methods. If McKenzie wants to set this right, he needs to take a step back and show his dedication to helping underprivileged homicidal lunatics.”

In response, McKenzie dropped a tweet vowing to exterminate the entire white race, to “Finally solve the milky menace once and for all.”

UPDATE: McKenzie has since signed a book deal with Penguin Random Home for an upcoming memoir tentatively titled “Colorblind Carnage.”

See also: “Scientists Develop New Technology To End Gun Violence”

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Jamie Paul here. A version of this satirical piece was published yesterday and subsequently taken down. I didn’t think we had hit the right notes as clearly as we could, and it was my mistake as editor to jump the gun. For my subscribers, this was a peek behind the curtain at an element of the editorial process that isn’t supposed to be public. Live and learn. Enjoy the piece, and thanks for your patience.

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